Aries (March 20 - April 20) - Try not to bottle everything up. Some people could use the piece of advice you’re dying to give them about their wardrobe malfunction.
Taurus (April 20 - May 21) - Mercury just got out of retrograde, and that means it’s time for a cleanse. Only meat-lovers pizza, lukewarm black coffee, and eggplant for you, Taurus.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Your mindset takes a hostile turn when you realize how Rick Sanchez would handle these heaping stacks of homework.
Cancer (June 21 - July 23) - If people wanted your outspoken opinion, I’m sure they would ask for it.
Leo (July 23 - August 23) - After a week of soul searching, you have decided to write an autobiography. Shockingly enough, it will only take you seven hours to complete.
Virgo (August 23 – September 23) - WebMD is not the answer to your problems. Just go to the doctor.
Libra (September 23 – October 23) - Sometimes being the life of the party gets to be too much. If you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed, binge-watch “FRIENDS” and take bubble baths.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 22) - Start biting your tongue before you respond with the first thing that pops into your head. Some people don’t deserve your witty and brutal comebacks.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 22) - You are consistently disappointed that your family makes half of your birthday presents your Christmas gifts as well. Treat yourself because now you see that they won’t.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) - You’ve done an endless amount of reading on the subject and participated in hundreds of labs, but nothing will prepare you for your AP Psychology end-of-quarter exam.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) - Be careful who you decide to lend your pencil to.
Pisces (February 18 - March 20) - Uncertainty looms over you Pisces. Stock up on pumpkin juice, staples, and beanies.